JP Robinson
(Over 40s v.
Under 40s)

Hand Over Cup
Ladies v. Gents

Dragons In
Shanghai

KCC Select XI
v. Witherers

KCC Maharajas
at Penang Sixes

Result: KCC won by seven runs

This was a game of farewells as several taking part were playing their last game of cricket at KCC. Dykesy off to the high life of Singapore, making sure that he gets all the chewing gum and oral sex that he could manage, before he leaves. Krish Krishnan departing for the sunny climes of Toronto. Kevin the Gatsby, of CCC ending working (some mistake surely) for the Hong Kong Government. Shiroy. No that's just wishful thinking.

These games are usually skippered by Bharat who sets himself the important task of making sure the game ends in the last over. Therefore the 69 preceding it do not really matter. This being the case Charles and Dykesy started on the liquid refreshment while the KCC openers strode out. Krish and Travis started out with a vengeance and the ball was hit to all parts of the ground and sometimes off the square. After scoring forty odd each they left and a succession of batters then went out, making little or no contribution. Shiroy, Dykesy, Bharat. Rob Gill had a good little knock and sense was brought back into the precedings with an extremely sober knock by Chairman "Jumping Jack" Slack, something of a Pinch Blocker. Dennis and Charles were both run out without facing a ball, leaving Slacky not out at the end. We got 200.

The bowling began very tidily with young Dennis Ling and old Charles O'Brian giving nothing away. Charles, for reasons known only to himself and Jacobs Creek, decided to stop bowling straight and presented the batsman with a series of leg side full tosses and half volleys, which they unsurprisingly hit all over the place. He was withdrawn from the match. Such was the fate of last year's Man of the Match. But he won it in the year CCC were giving out special tankards. Nothing this year so it wasn't worth winning.

Dennis bowled really well and when he got Phil Glenwright out prompted Slacky to tell him to ask himself what he would be doing in 2002. "Getting drunk and laid" was what he should have said. But the lad was far too polite for that. Dykesy was quite upset that Slacky hadn't asked him. Steve Weatherly retired on a good 50. Bharat slowed things down nicely and Roger Nissim bowled very well and took a great catch in the deep. Perhaps Slacky should ask him what he will be doing in 2002. Rob Gill played in his usual sporting style by missing catches and stumpings to help the CCC score along. Thankfully Bharat didn't ask him to bowl.

The denouement was completed by Travis who came on to bowl and took 3 cheap wickets with carefully crafted deliveries. The sequence. Two foot wide of the leg stump. One at the batsman's head. One three feet wide of the off stump. Slow straight one. Clean bowled. This with his 44 made him my choice as Man of the Match. But they didn't make the award this year. No tankard. I've got it.

Slacky finished the game up with Gordon Jones running to point and hitting him for boundaries backward of square. After match celebrities. Plenty of speeches all round about various good guys. Moist eyes all round, a drink for Robbie Lee who died behind the sight screen.

Remember Dennis whatever you are doing in 2002, cricket is fun. I'm sure Robbie Lee thought so.

- The Tooth Fairy

JP Robinson Trophy (Over 40's v. Under 40's)

Result: Nothing beats experience!

This match was one of the club's several annual fixtures played in memory of a former member or occasion. The man himself is no longer with us, sadly, but his widow still lives in Havant, on the South coast of England and receives team photos whenever the fixture is contested.

"What has she ever done to deserve this?" you might ask yourself, especially when you consider that at least half the folk pictured were over forty and showing every minute of their advancing years.

"Ah, ha" you now say, "that sounds like sour grapes talking" - and you'd be right. Your humble scribe was indeed on the losing side, otherwise known as the ÎUnder 40's', when they went down by 36 runs to their olders and betters on an overcast but otherwise fine day at the club.

Ashton and Burge opened up for the Old Timers and set about some fairly wayward bowling with a vengeance. Many of the younger chaps were doing a sterling impression of loosening up the joints after a long winter lay off. Unfortunately though, everybody else on the field seemed to have been playing cricket since last September and the result was a staggeringly high run rate of about seven runs an over.

While the fielding side started shouting things to each other like; "Just how much do you want to be chasing then?", the older heads at the wicket stuck to the task and went about compiling a decent total. Burge and White both did the gentlemanly thing and retired after their fifties (runs that is, not years) and Mike Trayford almost joined them before holing out, on the Long Off boundary, for 46 and it was upon this triumphant triumvirate that the somewhat generous total of 229 for 5 was finally posted.

"What's generous about that?" you might ask, again. Well it was the 26 extras that I was referring to, actually.

Andy Steward was the pick of the bowlers, for the young Îuns, with the sensible figures of 2-19 off five overs but even this miserly return did not steal the hearts for the crowd. That accolade was reserved for young Jamie Atkinson who, playing in his first Îbig boys' match, fielded and bowled with determination and enthusiasm throughout. He was one of a brace of schoolboys who did sterling work in the field to cover for late arrivals. Good on yer boys!

In reply, the Under 40's set off at a reasonable pace, with Ling and Howles keeping things at about 5 an over against an openly determined if not dangerously threatening attack of Middleton and Nissim. Maurice was the first out at about the time when things needed pushing along a bit and there followed something of a mid order slump. It took the combined talents of Raphael and Steward to stop the rot but, alas and alack, they did not stop it for long and what had appeared a gettable target began to fade from view.

The last sighting of any chance of victory vanished when Captain of the Day Kelly didn't quite put enough oommph behind a lofted drive to the Long On boundary and was caught, at the second attempt, by Trayford. "Should've been using a driver not a wedge," was a comment which some might see as an apt comment on the attempts of the youngsters to set an example to their elders and betters, but really it was a game played in the best spirits and won by the team who wanted most to win it.

Congratulations to the Grandads!

Hand Over Cup (Ladies XI v. Gents XI) - 31st May 1997

Result: Ladies Stay On Top

It was a nice sunny day at the Kowloon Cricket Club, for the long awaited clash between the two giants of Hong Kong cricket - the KCC Gents XI versus the KCC Ladies XI. The big day, for the match-up that had been eagerly anticipated throughout the season, had finally come. Both teams were playing for Hong Kong's most prized trophy - the Hand Over Mrs CoC Cup. This long awaited match was greeted by the people in their hundreds (or a few very old people as the case may be - Ed.). Autographs were being signed by players while the champagne flowed at the VIP tables.

The Gents XI, captained by ÎJolly' Roger Nissim, comprised a star-studded outfit including the likes of Bharat Gohel - newly appointed Captain of Cricket; Rahul Sharma - the colony's only batting sensation; Ravi "Stud Muffin" Sujanani - the colony's best all-rounder (according to Heni); Eddie Tse - the only pace bowler in the world with a three-step run-up; Anthony "I've had my 15 minutes worth" Correa; Keith Lowcock - Hong Kong's fielding sensation; Vijay "the spinner" Nainani; Mike Trayford - KCC's most favourite all-rounder and Shiroy Vachha - KCC's almost favourite rounded player.

Up against them was a sun studded and formidable Ladies XI, comprising the likes of skipper Daphne "I'm the Boss" Gohel; Laura "I always read the ME to see where my husband is" Trayford; Angela "Why do you always quote me" Mee Lee; Sandy "I like ball games" Fordham; Heni "he's a REAL all-rounder" Sujanani; plus Miller, Wan, Galbraith, Cullum, Taylor, Baker and Dorward.

Upon winning the toss, the Gents invited the Ladies to bat first. The tension that had been generated throughout the season was apparent on the field, with the ladies pysching men out with a blasting start and attack with their bats and words. Supremacy was shown when the Ladies would walk to the off side and smash the ball in an attempt to hit the men's wicket-keeper, Keith Lowcock, who was talking trash to them at the crease. After the first attack, Keith was left speechless for the rest of the game.

Heni, who according to Ravi has been in superb form, was heard telling the bowlers to sort themselves out as what was coming to her was too easy (that's one of the benefits of being married - Ed.). The next ball was hit for a magnificent four through the covers in classic cricketing fashion. Fordham fell short of her half century by a single run, when she was bowled by Bharat "ruthless" Gohel for 49. The Ladies mounted a massive 251 (interesting choice of words - Ed.), before being all out in their allotted 30 overs. Bowlers vying for next season's most generous bowling award were Eddie "the eagle" Tse with 1-42 from three overs and Vijay "the pony express" Nainani with 0-29 from his three overs.

The Gents, realising they faced a massive task to overhaul the Ladies total, opened with Sharma and Sam "UMBRO Junior" Trayford. In the eighth over, the men suffered a "blow" to their hopes when Rahul was brilliantly caught at deep fine leg by Peta Cullum, after he had pulled the ball with prodigious power.

The Gents looked to be in trouble and had to at least mount a decent total to salvage some pride. However, tight bowling by the ladies kept them tied down and soon they were facing the ignominy of defeat. Some brilliant shots in the middle order brought the Gents closer to their target, but they still required 14 runs off the final over to win. With Bharat "I'll never live this down" Gohel at the crease, the Gents thought they had a chance, but alas they fell four runs short, reaching 248 at the end of their 30 overs.

It was a very tight finish to an excellent match at Cox's Road, but the Hand Over Cup was deservedly returned to the ladies changing room. Four awards were given at the end of the match and coincidentally all of them ended up in the ladies changing room as well!

• Best Bat - Sandy Fordham
• Best Bowler - Angela Mee Lee
• Best Fielder - Heather Galbraith
• Catch of the Match - Peta Cullum

Congratulations to the Ladies of the club on another victory over the men!!

Dragons Win Inaugural Shanghai Sixes

HISTORY IN THE MAKING

On wet and windy "Friday the 13th of June", a cut down version of the KCC Dragons ventured off to the inaugural Shanghai sixes. In a weekend that can only be described bizarre, the Dragonair flight was delayed by over 2 hours as a severe tropical thunderstorm clattered around Kowloon Peak, threatening to destroy any man-made objects bold enough to take off from Kai Tak. When the pilot finally managed to make himself heard to the control tower between violent claps of thunder (and overcome his superstitions), an intrepid team of Bharat Gohel, Ravi Sujanani, Eddie Tse, Roland To, (the Dalai) Lama, and honorary Dragon Tony Correa ventured off to visit our soon to be comrades in the PRC.

When we arrived in Shanghai the weekend continued true to form with our bus being delayed by an hour at the airport while we waited for the Beijing team. When they finally arrived we were pleased to make their acquaintance with a round of mandarin "Ni Hao Ma's" and blank looks from our side. Fortunately with the assistance of our old friend Bruce Wang from the Beijing CC, the well travelled mandarin speaking COC and Roland we were able to communicate enough to get to know them better as the weekend progressed.

The next day saw the start of the tournament and we all enjoyed the generous hospitality of the Shanghai Cricket Club at the Shanghai sports institute ground. The very small ground was not the best which we have played on, but given the bizarre location of the tournament it was a tribute to the Shanghai CC that there was any cricket played at all!! The local rules were also a source of amusement, as any six into the nearby housing estate resulted in automatic dismissal since the ball could not be retrieved. (Ravi broke this rule in the 2nd over of the first game ) We were also entertained by what looked like the Shanghai men's and women's basketball teams, and the Shanghai men's junior and senior weightlifting squads who were practising their sports and using the jogging track around the cricket ground throughout the weekend. (Rumours that Lama an inspired was using some of the weightlifter's steroids are completely without foundation.)

Amazingly, the participants comprised of teams from Wuhan, Beijing , Shanghai and Hong Kong, which must be some kind of "quadrangular" first in China for a cricket tournament.

The Dragons started well on the Saturday with easy wins over teams from Beijing and Shanghai including the highly rated Australian Fosters team. Lama, Bharat and Ravi dominated the batting on the low playing track and Roland was inspirational behind the stumps. Eddie and Tony pitched with the ball and when required with the bat. At the end of the Saturday we had 4 games and 4 wins and went into the Cup round. Saturday night is best left not reported in detail, but suffice to say that it involved inter alia,

• a dinner hosted by the Shanghai CC incorporating a dancing girls cabaret act on top of a supermarket in a district of Shanghai prone to "brown outs",
• a significant number of Shanghai's many excellent pubs and night-clubs, and
• Lama demonstrating why no one can out last a ghurka on the dance floor.

A bleary eyed Dragons squad surfaced on the Sunday morning to a pep talk from COC on the evils of alcohol and cricket tournaments. (it should be noted that the not so sharp COC injured himself with a top-edged hook to the face late in the day) Duly inspired, the effervescent Lama, a cranky Ravi and evergreen Eddie and Roland dominated the rest of the day with bat and ball, and guided us to victory against the Wuhan University team, Shanghai CC and in the final the "Wild Turkeys" from Shanghai.

In the annuals history the KCC Dragons had won the inaugural Shanghai cricket sixes trophy, which can now be added to our win at the inaugural Beijing Sixes in 1994.

All in all it was a wonderful weekend away and was thoroughly enjoyed by all involved and we must convey our utmost thanks to the Shanghai Cricket Club which made the stay so enjoyable for us. We all came away looking forward to another taste of the swinging city of Shanghai.

- the Honorary Dragon scribe

A warm welcome back to Richie Benaud, as he writes:

Having been roused from a prolonged bender occasioned by Australia's retention of the Ashes by a summons from Mrs Benaud to give her a lift to the Parramatta W.I. knitting circle, I decided to take advantage of a stopover in Hong Kong to watch the long-awaited curtain raiser between KCC and the Rest.

Not to put to fine a point on it, some w***er at the HKCA told me Saturday instead of Sunday, and thus it was I endured one of the most atrocious games - I can't bring myself to call it cricket - that I have ever witnessed on any arena anywhere in the world.

On the day that Princess Diana was consigned for ever to the hereafter, the mournful standard of the batting, bowling and fielding might generously be described as a fitting tribute from the motley assembly of players from KCC and HKCC. To say that bat prevailed over ball on the day would only be to say that the bowling was of a standard that hasn't been seen since Pat Fordham used to hurl them down on the artificial for Templars - even though they were playing on the grass.

A thinly-disguised Saracens team (bolstered by renegade Crusaders Hyphen and 'Alfanose) was led by the Chief Secretary in waiting, 'Ansom Gill. I was pretty impressed indeed by the young Pakistani paceman, who looks likely to form a formidable three-pronged attack in the forthcoming one-day series in Sharjah alongside Waqem Senslez and Wherzme Icecream. He'll certainly need to be nursed along by tour manager Setoffthe Alam and skipper Garden Shahed, but these three together with spin twins Mushy Armpit and Sickly Mushtach surely form the most lethal attack in test cricket. The HKCC team compiled 200 off their allotted 35 overs, with KCC contributing 17 in dropped catches.

Budgie Shroff and 'Alfanose set off in double quick time for KCC. 'Alfanose in particular had the opposition bowlers scratching their heads, as five classically executed misses were followed by a spanking boundary. The run-rate dipped slightly when these two retired at 50 (yes, it really took that long), and the artificial dipped more than slightly when Shiroy strode to the wicket. In the end even some hefty blows by Shiroy and Victor Allen could not prevent this most meaningless of matches reaching its denouement with the scores level. On the day, it must be said that all the action was at Westminster Abbey.

- R.B.

KCC Maharajas at Penang Sixes - 29-30 November 1997

VOR in Penang

"Have a good trip and don't be naughty, if you are naughty, be safe" said Mrs. COC to all the KCC Maharajahs before setting off to Penang on the 28th of November to participate in the International 6's tournament organised by the Penang Sports Club (PSC). Although B&C (Bacardi & Coke) are yet to keep up their side of the deal, we kept ours in promoting them from the moment the seat belt signs were off. The other reason was of course (much to our amazement and fright) that Malaysian Airlines had put the wrong safety information cards in all the seats, which in fact were for the A330 whilst we were in an A310. 'Swahmi' Jim Middleton decided to even out whatever risks there are associated with flying by putting the (much) better half of his family (Mrs. and little Ms. Middleton) on MH and whilst he flew Cathay.

Yarman 'Tubs' Vachha then informed all other team members about the point made by his better half with regards to Shiroy 'Necro' Vachha. She insisted that we do not take him to any of the places that we should not be going to - we are still trying to figure out to this day what ever that meant.

Whilst the rest of the team stuck to B&C throughout the flight, Rahul 'Grumpy' Sharma got into the Tiger's and further added that this should be the 'be good to Shiroy tour' which, for that fleeting moment, was agreed. Ravi 'Stud' Sujanani insisted that Shiroy, being the only batchelor in the team, had the responsibility of wooing members of the other gender for the Maharajahs. He added that if we all just stood next to Shiroy, they would have no choice but to feel attracted to the rest of us, so in a way he would be doing his part!

The 'Swahmi' had convinced the organisers that playing any KCC side too early in the morning was never without risk (as they might never turn up in time) and when it is the Maharajahs, that goes without saying. So we arrived for our first game at 10:30 in the morning. The Maharajahs did look tired as they had been at VOR (pronounced WAR) - the nightlife battleground of Penang - until about 3AM.

Our first game of the tournament was against the Kilat club from KL. It was an eye opener (literally) for all of us and Kilat left us a total of 70 to get. Now this might sound easy for all those who have witnessed the Hong Kong sixes. But when you are batting on a ground with an 80 yard boundary, a pitch where the ball really doesn't come on the bat and temperatures in the range of 35 degrees, it becomes a whole new ball game. 'Grumpy' retired in the 5th over on 35 (which was the score for a batsman to do so) with Zubin 'Twiggy' Shroff not out on 23 and the 'Stud' not out on 4 (including 2 runs taken off the last ball to win the game).

The second game of the day saw us make little work of the 60 runs required to win against RCSI club of KL with 'Twiggy' retiring on 35 and 'Grumpy' not out on 26.

In the evening we were all at PSC again to catch a great meal at the official dinner. We even won something the first night in the lucky draw. It was a box of corn flakes which 'Necro' was very quick in exchanging for a bottle of Captain Morgan (he managed to find some health freak's who would do so). Later that night after having given one and all a lesson on dancing (Bhangra and western) the Maharajahs returned (god knows what time) to their hotel to catch a quick nap as they were playing at the crack of dawn, 8:30 AM the next morning.

The next morning saw an identity crisis. Some of the players were finding it hard to figure out whether it was Bharat 'COC' Gohel or Captain Morgan who was in charge. Some aspects of organisation here did not go down too well with the Maharajahs. Our 8:30AM game started at 9:00AM and with heavy dew posing a threat of injuries, with spikes not allowed, players could not get a foothold. 'Twiggy' was out for the first time for 20, 'Grumpy' retired on 35 and the 'COC' saw us through on the last ball, finely stroking the required run for victory.

The semi final (played 4 hours later) saw us take on the Malaysian Air force and for once everything started going against the KCC. 'Grumpy' was out early for about 10, 'Twiggy' did his hamstring attempting a 2nd run and finishing not out on 23 and 'Stud' finishing on 16, to make a total of 53. Then 'Tubs' had probably his only bad over in the tournament and was hit for 23, leaving the opposition 31 to chase in the remaining 4 overs. This was made quite difficult by 'Swahmi' who was allowed to bowl for the injured 'Twiggy'. We had certainly dropped out of the race to win the championship which was a little unfortunate. But our chance for redemption came later in the Plate Final.

When it was decided the injured 'Twiggy' would still play the plate final, 'Necro' cursed and muttered that he would only bat the next year, claiming it was the two top batsmen who had done nothing so far but screw up. 'COC' was very tempted to offer him the opening slot in the plate final where we were chasing 70 once again but cricketing sense prevailed. He asked 'Grumpy' to open with the 'Stud' and 'Twiggy' would bat no.3. "All I want you to do is go in there and smash everything, but carefully." The 'Stud' was out to probably the best catch of the tournament (although our own 'COC's' catch that morning was arguably just as good) and that again put the pair of 'Twiggy' and 'Grumpy' together, though the 'Stud' stayed out to run for 'Twiggy'. This time it was 'Tubs' Vachha who had the honour of finishing the game off the penultimate ball. 'Grumpy' got 36 (retired again), 'Stud' 14 and 'Twiggy' 20 not out. 'COC' was happy that we won something and 'Necro' happy he was asked to do nothing.

Even without winning the cup we knew we were the best side in the tournament but unfortunately that's not how things work. However it did not take the organisers endorsement and reward to know that 'Grumpy' was the best batsman in the tournament. It was a great tour, nobody beat us at the partying or the waistlines (both were huge!!) and we still finished third. For once there was somebody present making more noise than the 'Swahmi' - even if it was his own daughter. We even discovered that NOKIA mobilephones are not really that great as everytime we tried to call the 'Swahmi' to tell him which way the ball was headed he never got the call. Our team mascot, little Alexandra, and her mom were always encouraging us (to try and stay awake) and by the fifth game 'Necro' had learnt to catch the ball. With so much talent, so much fun and so much partying, who would not want to go the next time?

Surely the Maharajahs would be looking forward to similar crusades in coming years.

- Twiggy