Saracens v
Lamma

Crusaders v
Kai Tak

Tartars had a bye

Round 2

Saracens v Tartars

Crusaders had bye

Round 1

Tartars v CCC

Crusaders v HKU

Saracens had bye

All matches
abandoned.

Round 3 - 26th September 1998

Saracens v. Lamma CC at KCC
Result: Saracens won by 58 runs.

In a surprise development special prosecutor Kenneth Starr turned his attention to investigating infamous cricketing team the Saracens. Reports of ringers, match fixing and inappropriate relationships with thigh pads led to the feared investigator putting these shifty aging players under the glare of close examination. He chose their match against Lamma Island as the staring point of his inquiry.

The following charges have now been laid in front of the authorities for further action.

1. Gross wastage of sun block by B. Shroff who returned to the pavilion only seconds after going out to bat.

2. Misuse of the young Saracen intern Ravika Sujinsky by senior batsman Sharma who made a promise to "Come," but then left the young man high and dry.

3. Blatant abuse of power by the Captain Vachha who keeps promoting himself up the batting order. Also joining in the abuse of young Sujinsky by allowing him to be cruelly treated by the monstrous Hutchinson.

4. Self abuse is never a healthy past time and the blatant misuse of his body by the creaking Cresswell in the open for all to see should be avoided.

5. Impersonations of opening and spin bowlers by Messrs Butt and "Nimboo" Pereira are certainly beyond the rules of the game and should be outlawed immediately.

6. Former Skipper Rob Gill not taking the captains team talk seriously and seen to be sniggering and encouraging the aforementioned Shroff to do the same.

7. Special mention must be made of a shadowy figure on the edge of the team, one Atko, who is trying to use his status as a "vet’ to gain access to the group. Although skill with animals would be an asset there is strong evidence that he takes his cricket far too seriously.

8. Allegations had also been made about murky financial dealings and the presence of a figure known as the "Finesmaster." However the investigations have revealed this person to be something of a benefactor to the team who probably errs on the side of generosity. The Special Investigator has had a word with him and he is expected to increase his fund raising activities in the future.

At KCC: Saracens 237-3 (R Sharma 123, G Hurrell 53) beat Lamma 179-8 (P Hutchinson 76) by 58 runs.

Crusaders v. Kai Tak at Mission Road
Result: Crusaders lost by seven wickets

Blue Shirt Storm Distracts Crusaders

Crusaders were embroiled in controversy even before the start of the new season when stalwart player Rob Wilkins was told to put his blue shirt back in his car shortly before the game against Kai Tak. ãThis shirt has sentimental value for me," Wilkins explained. "I haven't washed it since the end of last season when I scored a ton in the Cup." When it was pointed out that he was wearing a white shirt on that occasion, Wilkins replied: "I never said I was wearing the blue shirt when I stroked that superb century. Merely that I haven't washed my blue shirt since that historic day." When asked if he would be bringing a suit against unnamed members of the team, he replied: "I haven't ruled out that possibility, I'm keeping my options open. However, my favourite Armani is currently at the dry cleaners - there's this particularly awkward stain that Sue couldn't get out. The whole business is most unsavoury - it reeks of a cover-up."

This turned out to be just the first of a series of questions that received no satisfactory answer on this particular Saturday afternoon and are likely to be the subject of further investigation. Chief among these questions is what sort of relation pertains between the way in which Kai Tak play cricket and the way in which Crusaders attempt to do the same? James Middleton, captain of Crusaders, was quick to spring to the defence of his team: ãI never said that we could play cricket, just that we from time to time indulge in cricket-like activities. Okay, we blew it today, and we're truly sorry. At least we would be if we could actually play in the first place."

Middleton singled out opener Nick Waters (77) for special praise: ãMuddy was magnificent today with bat and ball. How many players in the modern game can hit 16 off one over, and then come on to bowl and be hit for 18?" Paceman Andy Steward was another to receive unstinting praise from his skipper: ãIt was very important that Andy did well from the top end, otherwise there was the distinct possibility that I would have to bowl from the Pavilion End. As it was, while Andy bowled through at that end I was able to rotate the other guys at the other end (Ali 2 overs for plenty, Waters 2 overs for 30 odd, Lethers and Hyphen 2 overs for 20 odd)."

The last question that will undoubtedly provide the Grand Jury with food for thought is why a KCC team was once again beaten by one of their own. Infidel Tiku Patidar, bowling his ten overs (2 for 23) off the reel at the start of the Crusaders' innings, contained second wicket pair Waters and Brewster as they threatened to take control of the game (the first 50 came up off just ten overs), and then returned to strike 97 that included two blows onto Tin Kwong Road. In the context of the day it was only fitting, perhaps, that his fine innings should come to an end in controversial circumstances. After a smart piece of work by Ray Brewster off a Damian Green ãfizzer" was not enough to move the square leg umpire, Tiku denied himself an almost certain century by giving himself out. It was the first time for most observers that a batsman had walked for a stumping. As a certain William Jefferson Clinton might have put it: ãI'm not saying that I was out, only that my bat did not at the time in question have any meaningful contact with the ground."

At MR: Kai Tak 158-3 (T Patidar 97) beat Crusaders 156-6 (N Waters 77) by seven wickets.

Round 2 - 19th September 1998

Saracens v. Tartars at KCC
Result: Tartars won by one run

Saving Yarman's Privates

A new cricket season and this one will certainly be up for major awards at the end of the year. A special one will go to all the extras that took part and made such a huge contribution. A truly thrilling ending.

Spielberg's latest effort is a story about a heroic force under the new leadership of Captain Yarman who had to rescue a fourth brother from being slaughtered by the evil hordes led by "Hitler" Gohel. (Not to mention his own team mates.)

Captain Yarman had been expecting fresh recruits but when it came to D-Day it was the same old battle worn faces. Major Cresswell cried off hurt before a ball had been bowled and the Fines General had been compulsory retired on health grounds. On the other hand Hitler had managed to reinvent the rag tag Tartars into an efficient fighting force ready to cause mayhem among the forces of good.

The Saracens began their attack but sadly the covering fire from young Jammy was woefully off target and his opening assault went on for a very long time. When it was finally over (6 wides and 2 no balls) Shiroy consoled him with a tactful "That must be the worst over you've ever bowled." The young commando thought for a moment and in one of the productions many moments of poignant regret replied "No I bowled a much worse one at Mission Road last year."

From the other end Sergeant Butt in an unaccustomed leading role for once provided much needed comic relief with a hilarious impersonation of an opening bowler. Far too short an appearance though and the audience was awaiting eagerly his reappearance in his customary role at 130 for none but it was not to be.

Repelling the Saracens attack were a new addition, Gul Khan and past Commander Howles, happily present on parade by way of a change. The opening overs were carnage to say the least and wave after wave of Saracen attacks were blown to smithereens. Gul was particularly severe on anything short or wide or straight. Garic playing a supportive role by hitting General Sharma with a number of cross batted shots, much to his anguish. Sadly Sharma's generous coaching advice to Garic fell on deaf years. Dirty tactics indeed.

The introduction of the grizzled veteran Captain slowed things down and he had Gul worried. However support from the troops was pretty hopeless as catch after catch went down. Sharma, Sujanani, Pereira and Kilroy were all culprits. Kilroy who knows a thing or two about near misses, after his exploits with Russian planes recently, put down two. But it was good to see the new additions, Ravi and Earl, fitting in so well with the Saracens ethos and tactics. (You will appreciate this, if you're reading this in Singapore, Fizzer).

Finally the Saracens managed a break through but Tartars replacements Whamma Lama and Ijaz "Space station" Mir showed no mercy." One six off Jammy went over Cox's Road!

218 hits.

Bloody but unbowed the counter attack was led as usual by Messrs. Shroff and Sharma. Shroff newly considered for the coming assault on Nepal by the HKCA expeditionary force as he was found in Hong Kong. The Tartars opening salvos were as wide off the mark as the Saracens had been but in their midst a stray bullet, fired by young Cox accounted for Sharma.Enter Shiroy the fourth brother that the Captain had been trying to save to send home to his mother. A few lusty blows but he perished all too soon.

"Not soon enough," someone remarked unkindly.

Lance Corporal Shroff and former captain, now reduced to the ranks, Gill, bravely battled on after Sujanani could no longer continue with his wounds. Shroff went so that he could fiddle the scorebook to show he had scored a 50. The Captain came in and hit Hitler Gohel for a few lusty sixes. With the light dimming and the tension mounting wickets fell and the Saracens inched ever closer to their target. But Gul and the Shak attack deadly in the increasing gloom. However it was not to be and the Saracens perished tantalizingly close with the survivors, retreating to continue the campaign next week. Some consolation a good $830 in fines to start the new campaign.

At KCC: Tartars 218-4 (G Khan 85, S Lama 38) beat Saracens 217-8 (B Shroff 53, Y Vachha 34, R Gill 31*; G Khan 3-17) by one run.

Infidels v Pakistan
Association

Templars v
Scorpions

Dragons had bye

Round 1

Infidels v LSW

Templars v
Vagabonds

Dragons v Pakistan
Association

All matches
abandoned.

Round 2 - 20th September 1998

Infidels v. Pakistan Association at KCC
Result: Infidels lost by 156 runs

With the first game of the season against the reigning champions things were never going to be easy for the Infidels, and this proved to be the case for the majority of the game.

After winning the toss Sada Hussain started at a fast pace on a lifeless wicket, hitting the ineffective seamers for a quick fire 51.He was only stopped by the introduction of spin, being caught behind off Deadly Don's first ball. After Fab Baker had finished a brief spell picking up the wicket of Imtiaz, the remaining 33 overs were dedicated to spin. The bowlers were backed up with some unusually supportive fielding, though there was the odd piece of vintage fielding to remind the team where our roots have been and how ugly we can be sometimes! The new boys in the team supported Don Mohammed, who bowled one of his best spells for the Infidels, finishing with 2-48 from his 15 overs but bowling much better than even his figures suggest. Damian Green finished with 4-53 and Tiku Patidar with 1-42. Having tied the batsmen down for so long the final assault was always going to come and the short boundary was used to great effect by the Pakistani tail-enders. The champions ended up with a very competitive 266-8, though it looked like they would score 366 earlier in the day.

With the Infidels old opening pairing of Eames and Brewster restored and two new batsmen in the team who promise much the lunch time mood was quite optimistic. However Zubair had not read the same script and bowled accurately and with good pace taking the wickets of Brewster (12) and Green (0) in quick succession. With little support, Eames (43) showed great touch against Zubair and Munir, who did not look like last yearâs bowler of the year. But that did not matter, as the other batsmen, with the exception of Baker who finished on a fighting 24*, managed to get out cheaply to bad shots rather than good bowling. So much so that there were 5 ducks and only Green can think himself unlucky with a grass cutter that pitched just short of a good length.

Things can only get better for the Infidels this season and so can the availability of our batsmen! Last years champions will be hard to beat again this season and deserved their win. All the Infidels can do is remember what we did right on the field and must work harder to support our senior batsmen right down the tail.

At KCC: Pakistan Association 266-8 (H Ali 53, S Hussain 51, N Hameed 50, S Malik 41; D Green 4-53) beat Infidels 110 (M Eames 43; M Zubair 4-50) by 156 runs.

Templars v Scorpions at HKCC
Result: Match resceduled for 28.10.98