Crusaders v
Merchants

Tartars v HKU

Saracens v
Islanders

Round 7

Crusaders v
Mainlanders

Saracens v
Gap Ramblers

Tartars had a bye

Round 6

Crusaders v
Witherers

Saracens v HKU

Tartars v
St George's

Round 5

Saracens v.
St George's

Tartars v Lamma

Crusaders had a
bye

Round 4

Crusaders v
Gap Ramblers

Saracens had a bye

Tartars had a bye

Round 8 - 31st October 1998

Crusaders v. Merchants at KCC
Result: Crusaders lost by 103 runs

We are indebted this week to the Prime Minister of the Islamic (Sort-of) Republic of Malaysia, His Excellency The Tonka Trucka Dr. Madasahatta Mohammed, for taking time out from his attempts to get to the bottom of the Imawar Izgottabihim case to pen this report on Crusaders' latest game.

No doubt many people in the West will say that I took the opportunity last weekend to run away from my beloved country to distance myself from all the rumpus created by the arrest of my protegee and mentee Izgottabihim. Let people say and think what they like in the West, as long as they don't get up to that kind of stuff in Malaysia. We in Malaysia will not, absolutely not, be dictated to by corrupt and outmoded practices and values imported willy-nilly from the West, unless we can find a place for them in our Internal Security Act.

The truth about the one that was to me like the son I never had will come out as sure as eggs is eggs. One day people will look back at this sorry episode and feel a mixture of shame and amazement that they ever doubted the wisdom of the good doctor who wore the little felt hat. Remember, you scoffers and currency speculators, the lessons of history. Where now are those who claimed that racial and ethnic tension existed in Malaysia, that equal opportunities did not exist for Malays and Chinese to study together in our universities, for Chinese and Indians and those extremely black people from Sri Lanka whose name for the moment escapes me to serve in our police and military?

Say what you will about us, George Soros and all you other neo-imperialist Jewish conspirators, but the country that introduced Open House to the world, where Malay, Chinese, Indian and those dark fellows from Sri Lanka whose name still escapes me go on the telly to share their food and their Asian values with one another at Christmas, Chinese New Year and Ramadan, will not be bullied into giving up their traditions of multi-culturalism and tolerance all in the name of what? A little freedom? The chance to say what they like and vote for who they like? The right to have an independent and impartial judiciary? I have said it before, but let me repeat it again for the benefit of those who have resisted all those public service announcements on the telly. Harmony is the Malaysian way; it is as Malaysian as the Proton Saga.

Which is why I came to watch Crusaders: 11 players all pulling together for the cause. Never mind that they had not a clue as to what the cause was, never mind that they lost on the day, the important thing is that they pulled together and that there was a cause. Never mind that many people in the West were just waiting for them to lose so that they could say: "Look, I told you so - you're shite!" I liked especially the attitude of the big boy who bowled fast from the top end. Even though the man in the white (imperialist) coat kept extending his arms in a blatant attempt to discourage him, he would not be deterred from his purpose. Baker, for that was his name, was not going to be bullied, he was not going to be distracted from the path that destiny had mapped out for him, even if it was three feet outside the leg stump.

But what impressed me most was the harmony shown by the whole team, the sense of collective responsibility that has clearly eluded Izgottabihim. For there was no carping from his team-mates, rather they joined in enthusiastically, especially Green and Tyrwhitt-Drake. In total 32 runs were given away in wides and no balls and that adds up to more than five overs, I am told. And their leader Middleton ensured that these extra deliveries were not wasted, his final two overs going for 35 runs.

305 would be a daunting target for many sides on Halloween, but for Crusaders it must have had about the same effect as the spectre of Mrs Anwar has on yours truly, The Tonka Trucka, on a sleepless night. Green and Brewster will both be haunted by the manner of their dismissals for months to come, and it was left to Catton (returning to the Crusader ranks after 10 years) and Eames (with a century) to steady the ship and guide their side to the respectability of a score of 200.

At KCC: Merchants 305-7 (J Iqbal 101, H Ali 91, A Ahmed 30*; A Baker 3-79) beat Crusaders 202-6 (M Eames 119*, B Catton 31) by 103 runs.

Tartars v. HKU at HKU
Result: Tartars won by 17 runs

Fright night for the eggheads

Halloween came early for the intellectuals of Hong Kong U at the hands of Bharat Ghoul (Sr) and his monster team. Seldom has such a frightening collection of cricketers been assembled.

Opening the batting, Ghoul (Jr) Khan and Keith, The Beast from the Snooker Dungeon, Lowcock, laid into the bowling with fiendish relish with the latter in particularly fine form. The HK opening bowler Gomez Addams went for plenty at first but then Ghoul Jr. got a bit tied down. The bright sunshine seemed to have a negative effect on him and he was eventually out for 30 odd.

This brought in Scarface Maholtra a truly frightening sight who soon departed after a big six. The Beast from Outer Space Mir fell to a predictable block 1, block 2, block 3, massive swipe stumped and it was left to the Senior Ghoul to play a captains knock. A very good 50 and with Lowcock's excellent 75 the Tarts finished on 210.

In what was to prove one of the most ghastly and dreadful displays of catching, the Tarts bowling was opened by Lama the Slammer and the new signing "I was a Teenage Vampire" O'Brian. The Slammer and the Vampire started very well with Martin Sabine quickly gobbled up in the slips by Junior Ghoul. However the Vampire went berserk and started spraying the ball and had to be taken off for the safety of the spectators.

Freddy Krueger Raphael then brought his own version of bowling and after an opening over that lasted about 20 deliveries he settled down. Wickets tumbled but the opening bat was dropped @ 10, yes 10 times. As the end approached the University were finished off by Ghoul Jr (Keeble College Oxford) and Ghoul Sr (Sham Shui Po Delinquent Girls School). A satisfactory win with everyone contributing - if only to drop a catch.

At HKU: Tartars 210-4 (K Lowcock 75, B Gohel 56*, G Khan 46) beat HKU 193 (S Lama 4-40, B Gohel 3-41) by 17 runs.

Saracens v. Islanders at KGV
Result: Saracens won by five wickets

Not much to report on a fairly uneventful match against Islanders, traditionally a Saracens bogey team having lost to them three years on the trot.

Stand in Skipper, Ben won the toss an asked the School boys to have a hit first. Laurie and PC bowled steadily first up, with Laurie unlucky in his spell of 5 overs for just 15 runs. New specialist slip fielder Shiroy was unable to hold a regulation catch in his belly, depriving Laurie of a deserved wicket. The opening pair put on a respectable 40 for the first wicket before PC finally got his reverse swing going and demolished the off stump.

From then on Rahul's leg spin was just too much for the young lads and wickets began to fall steadily. The only entertainment being provided by a rejected appeal for a stumping by Rahul which prompted an outburst of "That wasn't stumped it was a run out." The only resistance came from Nasir who ended on 88 not out of a score of 143 all out, which included a stubborn last wicket stand of 40. Rahul ended the innings with figures of 4 for 24.

After Burji got a first baller and when Rahul nicked a catch to the keeper off his legs, it looked like Halloween was coming early with the score at 15 for 2. But Ravi and Jamshaid steadied the ship with 34 and 35 respectively but both missed out on their 50's with lapses of concentration. Captain Kilroy (17*) and PC (13*) did the rest with a little help from 38 extras by the schoolboys.

At KGV: Saracens 145-5 (J Khan 35, R Sujanani 34) beat Islanders 143-8 (N Hammeed 83; R Sharma 4-24) by five wickets.

Round 7 - 24th October 1998

Crusaders v. Mainlanders at KGV
Result: Crusaders won by 108 runs

CRUSADERS IN WIN SHOCK

Crusaders won their first game in 1998 with a comprehensive victory over a weak Mainlanders team at KGV. Moreover they achieved this without three of their stars: Damian Green, Mark Eames and Andy Steward. Tony Lethbridge was also missing.

Green, having followed up a pair of noughts one weekend with a pair of hundreds the following, was thrown by the fact that his Sunday side Infidels had no game this week: "I'm a very centred sort of guy - I like to hunt in pairs, a bit like Lillee and Thompson or Peters and Lee. I need the "ying" of Sunday cricket to balance the "yang" of the Saturday game."

Eamesie was reportedly still recovering from his daughter's birthday party that morning: "I suppose you could say I mixed my drinks. I knew I shouldn't have accepted that second wine gum from the baby. And I told Sarah she should've kept the raspberry jelly in the fridge. It fermented something terrible in the warm weather. And now they've got me on video leading the kids in a stirring rendition of Barney the Dinosaur's theme song. Rachel wants to send it to America's Funniest Home Videos."

Lethbridge, in the meantime, had been spending the last week hacking into various web-sites. Visitors to the Playboy site, for one, were surprised to find 7 for 61 emblazoned across the chest of October's Bunny. Worse was in store for those who downloaded the video clip: instead of the promised "Dykes Dormitory", viewers were confronted with the Crusaders and Infidels' veteran's drink-ravaged face leering at them as he thrust his index finger at them: "Now that - hic! - Shane, is what you call a spinning finger!"

As for the game itself, two moments stand out in the memory. The most remarkable thing about Rob Wilkins' catch to dismiss Mainlanders' tail-ender is that no-one in the Crusaders' team actually realised that Ben was playing until that point. He wasn't seen again either, much to the consternation of everyone, not least his daughters, who did a sterling job passing round the BLT sandwiches after the game and had to cadge a lift home.

But even in a game of so many highlights (Travis Pittman's first century for Crusaders, Nick Waters' 73, Ray Brewster's rapid fire 50-odd, Jim Middleton's four-for, Adrian Baker's three-for), the match's Magic Moment stands out like talent in a TVB variety show. With five overs remaining and Mainlanders still requiring 120 runs to win, the cry comes up from Mike Trayford at cover point: "Are we far enough in front to give Todd a bowl?" With our first victory since before Christmas at stake and no spare balls after Brewster's onslaught, skipper Middleton, though, was taking no chances. Stick to tennis, Per-Ulrik!

At KGV: Crusaders 262-1 (T Pittman 103*, N Waters 73, R Brewster 57*) beat Mainlanders 154-8 (J Middleton 4-16, A Baker 3-39) by 108 runs.

Saracens v. Gap Ramblers at KCC
Result: Saracens won by 69 runs

Coming off a scratchy win against HK University the previous week, Saracens were looking for a more solid performance against Gap Ramblers to restore confidence and prove that this star studded side were worthy of a shout for the league title. With the late withdrawal of key batsmen Steve Atkinson and the defections of John Brewster (couldn't take the pace) to Crusaders and the Fines Master (straight swap for Jonah Lomu) to Tartars, it was left to the usual line up of Rahul and the rest to produce the goods against a traditionally strong Gap Ramblers side.

Having won the toss the Skip elected to bat on a rather patchy looking track and backed his batsman(!) to post a healthy total. The usual opening pair started off slowly and got slower against an opening attack that made Ben and Laurie look like Lillee and Thompson, which soon prompted the Grump to exclaim in frustration "this is the worst track and the worst bowling I have ever seen". No sooner had these words been spoken than Burji was out to the worst ball he had ever seen or was it the worst shot he had ever seen. This was followed by another fine innings by Baloo the Bear who had earlier complained of Gout, Hamstring, Flu, but surprisingly not of (LOBA) lack of batting ability. His sad innings came to an abrupt end when "he didn't catch it, I hit it straight to him."

By this time the Grump was getting even grumpier but seemed determined not to lose his wicket, despite the track, the bowling and the rapid departure of those at the other end. Enter the Ravalator who for some reason was "really pumped up", and so it seemed as he proceeded to play a cameo innings of 35 off 25 balls including 7 fours and a six. However the entertainment came to an end when one sat up on him and he holed out to cover.

Meanwhile the Ravalator's tactics and the fact that time was running out led to a significant upping of the tempo at the other end. The Grump decided to thrash the bowling, scoring 40 off his last 21 balls faced in an innings of 95, despite nearly being run out twice by Limbu Pereira who also made a useful contribution of 22. This was preceded by what can only be described as a forgettable innings from the Skip, who must have had other things on his mind. Jamshaid also had other things on his mind when given instructions by the Skip in English, to "have a look first " proceeded to smash the first ball he faced for a straight six over the sight screen.

The innings eventually ended at a respectable 209-6 when at one stage it seemed 175 would be more likely.

In reply the Ramblers got off to a steady start and reached 60 for 1 off 10 overs. Ravi and Paul (WD40) Cresswell bowled well without making much headway until the opening batsman took a huge heave at PC and sent the ball about 600ft straight up in the air. As is the Saracens tradition in these situations everyone ran for cover with the only shout of "mine" coming from "I am not the Captain" Rob Gill who eventually caught the ball somewhere near mid-on.

From then on wickets began to fall fairly regularly, mainly due to a combination of indifferent batting, great catching from Laurie Taylor and inspired spell from the spin doctor Rahul, which culminated in figures of 6 for 31 off 6.2 overs. The Ramblers were eventually bowled out for 140 in the 28th over.

Well done lads. Who said we are a one-man show?

At KCC: Saracens 209-6 (R Sharma 95, R Sujanani 35; T Gladwin 3-50) beat Gap Ramblers 140 (I Laidlaw 36; R Sharma 6-31) by 69 runs.

Round 6 - 17th October 1998

Crusaders v. Witherers at HKCC
Result: Crusaders lost by six wickets

Crusaders were the guinea pigs (or should that be 'lambs to the slaughter'?) as they took on 97-98 league champions Witherers in this season's first match at the recently laid wicket at HKCC. And despite the best efforts of a few individuals, Crusaders failed to break their duck for 1998 as they went down by six wickets in a reasonably tight match.

Batting first, Crusaders were immediately in trouble when Pittman was caught in the first over - a victim to the slow but bouncy artificial wicket. Brewster joined Green and the two started a period of consolidation, where they first had to work out how to play on the difficult pitch. Both had early trouble, mistiming balls that simply stopped and popped. Riding his luck on more than one occasion, Green soon realised that there was little point in playing regulation cricket and started to play shots of the less cultured variety (not difficult for an Aussie). Not always pretty to watch, but mightily effective, Green raced to his fifty, thanks in part to two assisted sixes (dropped on the boundary and pushed over the rope - same bloke too). Brewster was not quite so commanding and fell to a good catch just as he started to get into his work. Trayford joined the fray and proved an excellent foil to Green. The two played well to keep the scoreboard ticking over at a good clip. Damian brought up his maiden KCC century in typical style but fell shortly afterwards to another good catch. At that stage he'd scored 111 out of a total of 180. A score in the vicinity of 220-230 looked likely but with the fall of Damian's wicket, the run-rate slowed and Crusaders finished on 206-4. Trayford made an excellent 45. Eames, who had been enjoying himself too much the night before was unable to bat and goes into the books as a DNB (did not bother).

When Witherers started their chase, 'Teflon' Brewster (who we now believe may have been out with Eames the night before) lived up to his nickname, by spilling a regulation keepers catch and then fumbling a run-out chance in the third over to give McGregor two let-offs that Crusaders would live to regret. Crusaders did however get the early break through they were seeking when man of the moment Green took a blinder of a catch at slip to dismiss Booth. Sadly that was to be the last wicket for a while as both McGregor and Drew settled into their work. Middleton, in an effort to keep the batsmen guessing, rotated his bowlers regularly and at one stage used five different bowlers in consecutive overs at the WNCG Road end of the ground. The batsmen gave plenty of chances but Crusaders were not in the taking mood. McGregor (93) and Drew (56) were eventually dismissed but soon it became apparent that this was not to be Crusaders day (again). With six runs required off two overs, Middleton threw Eames the ball for a rare bowling stint and he promptly induced Stearns to sky one to Brewster. The game may have been lost but at least Crusaders came away with a little satisfaction.

At HKCC: Witherers 208-4 (S McGregor 93, J Drew 56) beat Crusaders 206-4 (D Green 111, M Trayford 45) by six wickets.

Saracens v. HKU at HKU
Result: Saracens won by three wickets

At HKU: Saracens 135-7 (Y Vachha 49*; Gomes 4-32) beat HKU 134-6 (B Shulka 35; J Khan 3-10) by three wickets.

Tartars v. St George's at KCC
Result: Tartars lost by eight wickets

Tarts come crashing down

What does a Captain do when his own players proceed to knock their teammates in the nets and send them to hospital? With one in hospital and Gul Khan away on business, the Tarts assembled a motley crew to take on the mighty St Georges - COC's former team.

The wicket looked good and losing the toss meant the decision was, as the skipper wanted, to bat first. Opening with Keith and Shiraz (yes the "other" one), we lost Shiraz in the second over after a lusty 8 runs. In went Nepal ACC Trophy campaigner Sher Lama, only to return to the pavilion the very next ball for a golden duck. Space Station Mir came and went as did the others and apart from the skipper, with 28 and extras 19, no other Tart did any damage.

Opening with Shakil and Lama, the Gurkha bowled his first over slower than Alan Swift and was promptly replaced by the Spaceman, who decided that bowling short on a slow grass wicket would scare the opposition. In fact, quite the opposite - they relished him as hot dogs do mustard. Shakil on the other hand bowled with hostility and fire but with no reward. He only bowled two wides, a big improvement from his first outing of 12 wides and 6 no-balls. St George's got the 83 for the loss of only 2 wickets and a pitiful Tarts performance was quickly put to rest.

Much more application will be required if we are to make it to the top and with one win and one loss, a long battle ahead still ensues. One thing is for sure, the batting order and bowling order will change substantially. As for Space Station, well we'll start a collection to have him shipped to the Sun.

"Nuff said"

At KCC: St Georges 83-2 beat Tartars 82 (Runnacles 3-8, Manning 3-22) by eight wickets.

Round 5 - 10th October 1998

Saracens v. St George's at KCC
Result: Match abandoned due to weather.

Tartars v. Lamma CC at DBS
Result: Match abandoned due to weather.

Round 4 - 3rd October 1998

Crusaders v. Gap Ramblers at KCC (2 reports)
Result: Crusaders lost by eight wickets

Waters Loses Seat as Crusaders Fall Short Again

In one of the most radical reorganisations ever seen in global broadcasting, ATV newsreader Nick Waters has lost his seat. Nick was nowhere to be seen last week as the camera panned in on the revamped set of the early evening news to the strains of a vaguely familiar theme tune. "Actually," said a source at ATV regarding the music, "the tape got mangled in the recorder just as the new CEO came in the room. "That's the sound I'm looking for!", exclaimed Bruno, "cutting-edge meets state-of-the-art meets Philip Glass."

"F*** me! it took the engineers the rest of the day to get that sound again. The original tape was too mangled to be any use, so they had to get the master tape and mangle that while recording the result at the same time. We don't think it sounded anything like the original mangled version, but the boss didin't seem to mind. When he heard it going on air on that evening's 7.30, he rang Murdoch in New York to tell him that it was all systems go and look out China, here comes Asia's new media giant."

The normally urbane Waters was fuming at what he considered a slight: "They say my leg brushed against Regina de Luna's during the spontaneous chat segment at the start of the programme last week. What actually happened is that I still had my pads on after getting to the studios a bit late from net practice. I managed to change into my yellow tie and brown corduroy jacket in the taxi, but when I started to take off my whites, the taxi driver stopped the taxi. I had to walk the last bit up Broadcast Drive and then Security confiscated my box and thigh-pad at reception. It's just the sort of excuse they were looking for to cut costs - Bruno was short of a couple of chairs for this new focus group he's set up - so me and the weather girl have to do our bits standing up."

"So I was standing there the first night and I suddenly got in a bit of panic. What should I do with my hands? Put them by your sides and you look like a grenadier guard, behind your back and it's like you're lip-synching the national anthem at Wembley. Then you try crossing them and it looks like you've got a real attitude problem, so in the end I stand there feeling like a wally with my hands in front of where my lap would be if I was sitting down, looking every inch the kindergarten pupil lining up to listen to the Principal at assembly."

"Then the clip you're introducing comes on and you don't know where to look. Now normally you've got this monitor to turn to to make it look professional, but when I come to that part there's nowhere to look. Really fretting now I return to the autocue and it's flashing out this message: "LOOK AT THE FLOOR!" So I do, but what are the viewers thinking? Do they really think there's this TV that suddenly comes up out of the floor? And then you come to the end of your bit and you want to hand back to Regina, Peter, that new bird Rosa Yum (definitely yummy that one, if you get my drift) or whoever and you can't. They're over on the other side of the studio somewhere. So you just stand there like a statue while the lights dim and the music starts up again. (They play it backwards at the end of the programme, but it's not as if anyone would notice.) What really pisses me off is that I don't get a chance to shuffle my papers (last time it was Infidels batting averages), and put the cap back on my biro while miming to the other two. Yeah, we never actually say anything - it just looks better if you give the impression you're discussing the news just after you've delivered it apparently."

While all this was developing at ATV, Nick's Saturday side Crusaders were going down to Gap Ramblers at KCC. Despite 50s from Damian Green and Andy Steward and a useful total of 218 off 33 overs, Crusaders were seen off by a strong HKCC side for whom Mallinson and Winstanley were in fine form with the bat. Apparently Lethbridge dared Winstanley to bring up the victory with a six. The shrewd accountant knows a dead cert when he sees one, and was later seen relieving the Crusader veteran of a hundred dollar bill in the bar.

(Crusaders' scribe has been watching too much telly - Ed.)

Skip for the day, saw things a little more matter-of-factly

Crusaders losing streak for 1998 continued in fine style on Saturday, though this week's effort was better than it may have appeared from the final result.

Given a side weakened by the absence of 9 regular players (including the first 3 choice keepers), stand-in skipper, Travis Pittman won the toss and elected to bat. He and Damian Green set about the bowling with gusto and together they posted a 50 opening stand in 8 overs. Travis was the first to fall, with his score on 23. With the score on 85-1 at the 15 over mark, it looked like a big score was on the cards. Damian, who had finally broken his string of ducks, went on to hit a good 53, before being caught and bowled by Caddy - who split the webbing on his hand in the process. Andy Steward joined the fray and whacked his way to an excellent 82*, though he rode his luck, being dropped on at least 3 or 4 occasions.

Crusaders total of 218-6 from 33 overs looked a good score on the slow track, but where they had performed well with the bat, they failed to produce the goods in the field.

Gap Ramblers' openers Wincomb and Mallinson played aggressively from the first ball and despite an economical opening spell by Andy Steward, the HKCC pair had posted 90 by the 15 over mark. Travis tried to vary the attack by swapping his bowlers regularly, but all came in for brutal treatment. Damian, who conceded nearly as many runs in five overs as he had scored with bat in 15, Dave Robinson, Steve Gear and Ali Malik were all severely punished. Hugh Tyrwhitt-Drake did not enjoy his single over which went for 18 runs. Tony Lethbridge came into bowl and took a wicket with his first ball, inducing Mallinson to loft a shot to long-on where Robbo took an excellent diving catch. However it was all too little too late and, with Winstanely scoring freely, the Ramblers went on to a comfortable victory in the 30th over - the winning runs scored off successive sixes.

At KCC: Gap Ramblers 224-2 (P Wincomb 69, D Mallinson 67, M Winstanley 53*) beat Crusaders 218-6 (A Steward 82*, D Green 53) by eight wickets.

Templars v
Scorpions

Round 7

Templars v.
Dragons

Infidels had a bye

Round 6

Infidels v
Vagabonds

Templars v
Pakistan
Association

Dragons v
Scorpions

Round 5

Templars v LSW

Dragons v.
Vagabonds

Infidels v
Indian CC

Round 4

Infidels v LSW

Dragons v
Indian CC

Templars v
Optimists

Round 2 (Rescheduled) - 28th October 1998

Templars v. Scorpions at HKCC
Result: Templars won by five wickets

It was a day when neither the captain nor the "chief whip" Pereira had any idea which eleven were available for the mid week encounter at the Gap. After a lot calling at 9:00 am on the match morning Templars were able to scrounge 9 people which included Mr. Accident Malhotra (who has had a hundred percent record of turning up injured to all KCC games thus far) and Mr. COLIN "Atkinson" BLAND.

Skip turned up at 9:45 only to find 5 people, one of which included debutant Mr.Gul Khan whose kit was still at KCC. The Skip had entrusted Mr. Accident with the task of ferrying both the team's and Mr. Khan's kit to HKCC. Given Mr. Accident's history...not a clever move! To add to Templars woes the Skip lost the toss and was asked to field.

On went the Templars with "believe it or not" 5 people. The first two overs saw 25 runs being scored by the Scorpions' openers. Fortunately a truckload of Templars arrived with Mr. Accident (including Gul's kit) and before long there were 10 on the ground. Garic bowled a tidy spell to be relieved by our wicket keeper number two - Anurag Bhatnagar, who much to the surprise of the other 9 people (and himself) on the field bowled his off-spinners unchanged for 15 overs conceding only 35 runs and picking up two valuable wickets. An excellent display of bowling "in-the-channel".

The Skip bowled his usual quota and picked up 4 wickets, conceding his usual quota of 60 runs. Mr. Khan and Mr. Nimkar bowled at the death (which also saw the 11th Templar Mr. "Short" Evans turning up) and, aided by some smart out cricket by young Dyutesh Choudhury, COLIN "Atkinson" BLAND, not so smart out cricket by Mr. Accident and steady wicketkeeping by now (defunct) "I am the captain" Gill, restricted the opposition to 233 for 8.

Templars opened with "Desperate" Nimkar and the Skip. "Desperate" got the better of the Aussie quick, who he dispatched with aplomb to all corners of the field, choosing third man as his favourite part of the ground. The opposition introduced a change and gave the ball to "I can run as fast as I can bowl" who, much to his credit, got "Desperate" Nimkar out - off a ball which he "pulled" off the face of the bat into the wicket-keeper's hands! Unbelievable... but true.

Thereafter young Mr. Khan got stuck into the spinners and played a nice little innings of 35. Meanwhile the Skip had been accumulating runs in his usual silent fashion "rather unperturbed" by the vocal barrage he had been receiving from one Mr. Tim Smart. In came COLIN "Atkinson" BLAND and played a neat innings of 30 odd. With the score at 180 for 3, the Skip was confident of wrapping the game without too many hiccups.... but hiccups did come... debutant Graeme Jardine was bowled of a full toss by Tim Smart who also got nervous Mr. Accident lbw. The minor hiccup was immediately gotten over by the arrival of "I am the captain" Gill who with the skipper saw Templars cruise to 234 for 5, with the Skip remaining not out on a well compiled 125.

Well played all.

At HKCC: Templars 234-5 (R Sharma 124*, J Khan 33) beat Scorpions 233-8 (P Wincomb 66, M Harris 55*; R Sharma 4-70) by five wickets.

Round 7 - 25th October 1998

Templars v. Dragons at KCC
Result: Babs came to town (nearly)

The scene was set for the first derby showdown of the season, but the much anticipated arrival of Babs had all the boys in fluster. She was wet and wild, a full-bodied wench with a reputation that preceded her. The lads were lusting for a piece of the action as she teased and tormented the players, bringing them closer to the edge. As the lads stretched their muscles, she became wetter and wetter. All the boys wanted to show what they were made of but this tempestuous wench hadn't come to play. Babs had been aroused elsewhere and had wandered off in another direction, leaving behind a few wet patches and a number of broken promises. The game was abandoned without so much as a single ball being bowled and the boys had to go and play by themselves.

Round 6 - 18th October 1998

Infidels v. Vagabonds at Mission Road
Result: Infidels won by 48 runs

As the weekend got closer the team got smaller until it became clear a visit to see the Crusaders grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory at the HKCC was needed to find the missing link. Having found the missing link and agreed for him to play at Mission Road the next day, he promptly fell ill with what reportedly varied from:

1. A bit of a virus
2. Tung Che Wha's Revenge
3. A broken arm fielding on the rather rough boundary at the Gap
4. All of the above.

Being too late to find a replacement from his home town club in the U.K. (AKA Holden v LSW), this left the skipper two alternatives. Bring the Sedan Chair Race at Matilda Hospital to a halt with a bomb scare or brave the wrath of Mrs. T. Pittman upon her return from the USA. A baby sitter was found in the shape of Chris Williams' mother and all the players said over breakfast that they would help with the little one whilst daddy was batting. (Faced with scoring as an alternative!). In the end Trav turned up without the baby, having bribed the armor to work on a Sunday instead of attending the mass rally of home-helpers fighting the proposed wage cut.

Skip won the toss and elected to bat on a hard flat track (Not) and sent in Monica Green and Eames to get the ball rolling. Things started slowly but steadily with both batsmen reaching the first drinks break undefeated - something most Infidels have never witnessed before. Eames had departed for a well earned 40 before Monica really started to get into his stride, only to be joined by Ijaz who told him to "stop all this running between the wicket stuff" as he only intended to hit 6's. Which he promptly did and amassed another good 30 in semi-record time. Word about this boy must surely be getting round. The Monica started to try and kill off any infants playing on the boundary with a succession of blows to remind us that Ijaz is not the only player capable of big hitting. One straight flat 6 sticks in the mind, especially of Russ Mawhinny's young son who it missed by the grace of god (It was the same Grace of God that was to later make an appearance taking the last catch off Lethbridge). Green finished off with a very good 130 out of a total of 284-8. An excellent effort, following his 111 for Crusaders the previous day. The large total was helped along by a few lusty blows from Steward, Pittman & Baker and a good innings from Hippie Brewster on his return from his pilgrimage in Nepal. The Hipster's innings being cut short by Ijaz who had sneaked on to umpire without anybody else realising until it was all too late. The Hipster fell LBW 24. Ijaz was removed from the fray and banished to the children's playground for the rest of the innings.

Vagabonds got off to a fast start thanks to some wayward bowling from the Infidels seamers and some lackluster fielding and at 161 for 1 with 17 overs remaining the Vagabonds batting suddenly went bezerk for no reason. Tony Lethbridge playing his first Sunday game of the season was first to benefit from this having Hesketh caught & stumped by Brewster only to discover the umpire had given LBW! Not a decision that was easily understood as the batsman had edged the ball and was a good foot out of his wicket when the stumps were broken! This seemed to create panic in the Vags' ranks. As the seamers at the other end started to tie down the middle order the wickets started to fall at Lethers' end with marvelous regularity. Fielders started backing up bowlers and even Don was heard to egg on his senior spin twin. Tony managed to induce the entire middle order down the track to be either stumped or caught. Not letting the odd six get to him, Lethers ended up with 7-61. (Best bowling figures for Infidels since Skip or Ed have been involved). And it could have been more had any of the three catches been taken or three other very close stumpings been given. Shaq ended up taking 2-36 as the only other wicket taker.

People were seen queueing up to talk to the successful bowler as he offered to buy drinks to anybody who would listen.

Next game that we need to scrape a side together for is against Optimists 8/11/98 at the HKCC. We will confirm the selection of our resident TV personality at a later date. Although the excitement the skipper is feeling about finally getting to select a team will have to wait until he sees who survives the next round of Saturday League games.

At MR: Infidels 284-7 (D Green 130, M Eames 40, I Mir 31) beat Vagabonds 236-9 (T Helsby 66, R Mawhinney 46, B Haskett 34; A Lethbridge 7-61) by 48 runs

Templars v. Pakistan Association at KCC
Result: Templars lost by 91 runs

(Rahul won't be too thrilled about joining the "Other 100 Club" with his bowling figures of 1 for 105 - Ed.)

At KCC: Pakistan Association 296-5 (N Hussain 107, I Gul 81, S Malik 37*) beat Templars 205-7 (R Sharma 78; M Hussain 3-52, M Zubair 3-56) by 91 runs.

Dragons v. Scorpions at DBS
Result: Dragons lost by 62 runs

At DBS: Scorpions 245-5 (J Hample 69, M Harris 57*) beat Dragons 183 (S Brierly 69; J Hill 4-30) by 62 runs.

Round 5 - 11th October 1998

Templars v. LSW at Mission Road
Result: Templars lost by two wickets

At MR: LSW 161-8 (T Dar 49, M Jamshaid 33; P Cresswell 3-52) beat Templars 159 (P Cresswell 45, E Pereira 42; P Fernando 3-32, M Jamshaid 3-31) by two wickets.

Dragons v. Vagabonds at DBS
Result: Match postponed.

Infidels v. Indian CC
Result: Match postoned until 15.11.98

Round 4 - 4th October 1998

Infidels v. LSW at KCC
Result: Infidels won by 12 runs

A depleted Infidels outfit took on last year's runners up, Little Sai Wan, at KCC on Sunday. Both teams were missing key players due to ACC Trophy commitments and LSW could only muster 9 men for the start.

Batting first, Infidels lost Damian early but his replacement Tiku Patidar, immediately got into his work by smashing the first two deliveries he faced to the fence. Travis was less commanding but with the field set deep, took advantage by keeping the strike turning over with quick singles. Together the pair played sensible cricket, with Tiku the dominant scorer and a partnership of 140 developed in good time. It was only broken when Tiku was run-out to a good throw from the boundary, with his personal score on 67. Ijaz was promoted up the order and, in the blink of an eye-lid, had smashed his way to 36 runs, with some impressive hitting. Travis meanwhile kept accumulating runs and was rewarded with his first Sunday League half century. He fell shortly afterwards for a gritty 57 runs, scored in the heat of the day off 32 overs. Infidels' stalwarts, Eames and Davis continued the scoring that had been maintained throughout at nearly seven runs an over. A total of 300+ looked likely until it became apparent that LSW would fall well short of the required 50 overs. In the end they only bowled 45 - a poor effort indeed considering only 5 minutes had been lost at the start of the day's play - and Infidels finished on 273-8. Dar was easily the best of the bowlers, claiming 3-78.

With a good total to defend, Infidel's felt confident of victory but as the skies darkened during the lunch break and light drizzle started to fall, Andy started worrying about run-rate calculations. Would Infidels be deprived of a deserved victory?

Looking to achieve an initial target of 92 runs off 15 overs to ensure a victory on run-rate, LSW got off to a bad start when Shakil bowled Azhar in the first over. Their skipper Fernando was not fazed and stepped up the tempo. After ten overs, LSW were maintaining a good scoring rate, if just a little behind their required target. Fernando's wicket saw a collapse and LSW slumped to 76-5 at the 15 over mark and the match looked all but over. Don Mohammed bowled another excellent spell, claiming 3-55 from his 15 overs. But LSW never gave up their chase and as the drizzle continued, the bastmen's chances got better as the bowlers found the slippery conditions increasingly difficult.

Dar batted impressively, bringing up his 50 before unleashing a barrage of punishing shots to move quickly within sight of a century. As the ball and ground became more sodden and the light more dim, LSW still required 36 runs off the final three overs. Dar promptly smashed Andy Steward for 21 runs off the first 5 balls of his next over and LSW could sense an unlikely victory. The small crowd of LSW supporters began cheering every shot enthusiastically. Andy changed his shoes to bowl the final over and was able to keep it much tighter. With one ball remaining and 12 runs required, Dar holed out to mid-on, with his personal score on 104.

In the end it was an entertaining match, with some excellent individual performances from both teams. Infidel's victory was only decided in the final few balls. The match also marked Nigel Grandfield's final game of cricket in Hong Kong.

Here's a second account of the match:

Some controversy surrounded the pre-match activities. Little Sai Wan were asking for a postponement and why shouldn't they, as Infidels were short seven of their best players. Everybody knows Infidels have never had seven good players so captain Steward's ploy was a good one.

The game began in drizzle. An early departure of "Monica Green" only served to enliven Pittman and Patidar, who put on 135. Patidar was initially murderous with 50 off 40 balls (8 fours, 1 six) and then simply carnivorous as the Sai Wan's melted. Pittman was Pittman - and then some. Ijaz came and went, but before he went, he went BANG (six) 4 times and made an already edible run rate become very tasty. Eames, Davies, Steward and Holden all upped the anti and the Infidels made a respectable 273-8, despite only receiving 45 overs.

Infidels' lunch will never be swallowed without the aid of some full-blown tripe from Governor Steward. Today, the topic was his ailing back, and all the players suffered in silence as he reeled off the awful details. Some were heard to say that "perhaps the Governor should not bowl today" and one went even further to say "Tell Gov to f· off" but lack of common sense prevailed and he preceded to put 'em right in the game with some loose stuff.
Rain came down and the calculator was called for - not necessary in the case of the Infidels as no one could use it. "120 off 20" said Steward - "so they need 30 an over off 4." We were all perplexed but dug deep. Don Mohammed was tough and skilful - Infidels fielded with little faith. Sai Wan was back in the game. Andy Steward bravely rendered himself unable after a useful opening stint. However, with Sai Wan needing 46 off three overs, he had a choice - 1) should I call my Mum from Hampshire to wrap this up or, 2) should I make a hero of myself. This week's trivia question is "What did Andy do?" Anyway a little clue is that a pint-sized pommy skipper took the bit between his teeth and went for a lazy 6,4,6,4 to leave Sai Wan 25 to get off 14 balls. The skipper was seen to inject himself and the ship was righted despite some more unfaithful fielding. Infidels went on to win with a leg in the air.

Interesting to note was the field settings in the last few overs. Infidels actually had two slips, stationed three feet apart, in front of the swimming pool. Sai Wan centurion Dar was good enough to split them four times during one over. Senior Sergeant Davies was heard to blaspheme, swear, curse and then be awfully nasty about his captain before suggesting "I can't see a f***ing thing out here." The next one would have conked him right on the head if he weren't so busy looking for his cigar.

A memorable victory for the "Unfaithfuls". Celebrations of an infrequent win went into the night where Holden, who was flown in by the astute Steward to make up numbers, proved his worth in both ten pin bowling and snooker.

At KCC: Infidels 273-8 in 46 overs (T Patidar 67, T Pittman 57, I Mir 36; T Dar 3-78) beat LSW 261-9 in 46 overs (T Dar 104, P Fernando 45, A Butt 44; D Mohammed 3-55) by 12 runs.

Dragons v. Indian CC at DBS
Result: Match postponed.

Templars v. Optimists at HKCC
Result: Game deferred to 3.1.99 due to unavailability of HKCC ground.