Sarcens v.
Mainlanders

Tartars v.
Witherers

Crusaders
had a bye.

Round 13

Crusaders v.
Centaurs

Saracens v.
Witherers

Tartars had a bye.

Round 14 - 19th December 1998

Saracens v. Mainlanders at KGV
Result: Match abandoned due to rain.

Tartars v. Witherers at KCC
Result: Match abandoned due to rain.

Round 13 - 12th December 1998

Crusaders v. Centaurs at KCC
Result: Crusaders won by 52 runs

This week the normal write-up gives way to the following police report by Senior Inspector I.M. Partial-Toadrop, which was smuggled to ME by a mole in the Serious Crimes Squad.

Crusaders Arrested in Pre-dawn Swoop

I was in the middle of a promotion interview with a rather comely WPC (what I would give for my own Oval Office-cum-corridor) when I received news of a serious breach of the peace in my parish. Taking my panda I proceeded in a southerly direction along Nathan Road. I was constrained to put back my E.T.A at my destination (the Kowloon Cricket Club) by some ten minutes due to the need for a refuelling stop, the said panda having taken a fancy to the bamboo scaffolding that previously held up the China Arts and Crafts on the junction with Jordan Road. (Details of the incident are given in a separate report, to be forwarded to the Police Complaints Unit, the Ombudsman's Office, the Consumer Council and the Standing Committee of the National People's Congress for appropriate inaction.)

It appears that the fracas at the KCC was precipitated by a long-running feud between two former members of the same vicious gang, who now run their own operations on either side of the harbour. The spark that ignited the ugly scenes witnessed on Saturday was the decision by the Crusaders' captain, James "The Chairman" Middleton to play the game on the artificial wicket rather than on the grass. His old nemesis Jimmy "The Hat" Higgs, feeling that he was being shown no respect and dismissing as "bollocks" Middleton's assertion that four consecutive Tonka Trucka matches had rendered the square unplayable, declared a turf war.

In the riot that followed all eleven members of the Crusaders' team (plus Anthony John Philpot Lethbridge, 57, a painter and decorator of no fixed abode) were arrested and held for questioning. All twelve have been charged and are expected to appear before magistrates in Yaumatei some time in the next month. In the meantime a wives' group has been formed to press the Hong Kong SAR Government to conduct the trial in Guangzhou, where they feel the courts are more likely to return a sympathetic verdict, guaranteed to ensure that their husbands never again abrogate their paternal responsibilities every Saturday while purporting to be taking exercise.

The accused and their alleged crimes are as follows:

James Middleton, 48, male, Caucasian, charged with umpiring without due care and attention, bringing himself on the bowl at the end to improve his average, and preaching on the Sabbath without a licence (COURT TRANSCRIPT: "I'm the Chairman of the Hong Kong Association of Cricket Umpires and Scorers, and the Laws and Bylaws Representative of the Hong Kong Cricket Association, you know. Who the f*** are you, Higgsy?")

Travis John Pittman, 33, male, New Zealander, charged with being drunk and disorderly while in possession of a cricket bat. When a straight white line was painted on the ground he was only able to play across it.

Damian John Green, 33, male, hybrid, charged with being a Tasmanian.

Andrew Paul Gascoigne Steward, 31, male, Caucasian, charged with causing Grievous Bodily Harm while bowling bouncers in the half light to ex coppers.

Raymond Oscar Brewster, unknown, unsure, Brisbanian, charged with reckless driving to a ball of good length, and taking a blinding catch and two brilliant stumpings while photographers were present, while dropping sitters when no one important is watching (hence "Oscar").

Brian Catton, claiming 37, male, Caucasian, charged with impersonating a cricketer.

Roger Benjamin Nathaniel Yitzchak Alrightmyson Nissim (alias Cedric Nissan), 54, male, Rabbi, charged with spying for a Japanese motor corporation and labouring on the Sabbath.

Mark Steaders Eamesie Eames, 37, male, Caucasian, charged with disobeying orders and inciting sedition. Selected to bat at Number 3, finally deigned to come in at Number 7, whereupon he embarrassed his captain by slamming 46 off 25 balls, including several shots that cleared the square.

David John Arthur, 49, male, Australian, charged with loitering with intent.

Ali Ahmed Malik, 29, male, Pakistani, charged with trespass. (He ignored repeated warnings to bowl from behind the popping crease.)

Hugh Charles Tyrwhitt-Drake, 39, male, Caucasian, charged with match fixing and throwing (during) a game.

Anthony John Philpot Lethbridge, 57, male, Caucasian, charged with impersonating David Bailey.

At KCC: Crusaders 232-7 (D Green 57, M Eames 46*, A Steward 44, T Pittman 39, Brewster 1 (hah!)) beat Centaurs 180 (G Burdon 62, C Abbiss 46*; A Steward 3-21, R Nissim 2-58, J Middleton 6-0-3-35 (NB 0-23 off first 3 overs)) by 52 runs.

Saracens v. Witherers at HKCC
Result: Saracens lost by seven wickets

Not much humour in this report I'm afraid - The Saracen's batting is following the fortunes or should I say example of the England Team. Despite our depth in the batting line up we constantly are failing to score runs this season. The opposition bowlers, it seems, are having the only purple patch!

On a very bouncy HKCC atsro (Optimists were bowled out for 36 a couple of weeks ago) we slumped from 23-1 to 84-8. Ravi played some brilliant strokes only to be out to a rash shot for 38 at a time when we needed to consolidate.

But then commeth the hour, commeth the man - Arjan "The Cat" Kirpalani joins the "PC the Vet" at the wicket at 84 for 8 and the pair proceed to plunder 48 runs in quick time. PC gets 39 n.o. and "the Cat" contributes a very valuable 9 including a square cut of the opening bowler for 4 which was the shot of the day. Rumour has it that he then walks down the wicket and looks the bowler in the eye and says, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks". The Cat is clean bowled next ball and the bowler asks the Cat, politely if he likes "Sex and Travel".

132 all out looks better than 85 all out and we have a very outside chance to pull off a shock victory. The key is to take wickets and at 20 for 2, thanks to two great catches one by Limboo Pereira and the other by Jonty Shroff, we were in with a sniff. The vets will tell you that for some reason when we bowl the conditions always favour the batsmen. It always happens. The bounce extracted by the opposition deserted us. Even Jammy could not get it to jump. The Witherers crawled to 67 for 3 in the 17 over which kept us in the game but the wickets had dried up. Eventually a partnership of 60 odd between Booth and Callon sealed the game for them in the 26th over.

The only positive side was the HKCC tea, the catching and the fielding, can you imagine the Saracen's (including Shiroy) diving for the ball. Even Ravi with the gloves in the absence of "I'm the captain" Gill was quite impressive.

A lean season with the bat for all of us so far, but as is the case in this great game there will be a turn around - that is why we all play. As the saying goes, "Hero one day villain the next". I would dread to be in the opposition camp if all the batting clicked for once!

At HKCC: Witherers 133-3 (Callow 50*, A Booth 42*) beat Saracens 132 (P Cresswell 39, R Sujanani 38; McDuell 4-13, Silby 4-37) by seven wickets.

Dragons v.
Indian CC

Templars v.
Optimists

Infidels had a bye.

Round 13

Infidels v.
Indian CC

Dragons v.
Vagabonds

Round 10
Rescheduled

Infidels v.
Indian CC

Round 14 - 20th December 1998

Dragons v. Indian CC at KCC
Result: Dragons won by 125 runs

Second win, we are on a roll! After the effects of the Bhangra night I was hoping the game would be called off but surprisingly we played at the club whereas games at MR, DBS and HKCC were cancelled.

With COC and myself not feeling quite well after the Bhangra night and Jim Middleton telling us that even if we played this game it would not count as the other games in this round were washed out, I decided to give the boys a chance to have a bat. And I wasn't disappointed as they came through in fine style with Michael Wong and Jiggy Tailor scoring 68 and 77 runs respectively with some fine shots from both of them, showing that we have depth in the batting. We finally finished on 239 for 9 in 50 overs. Not really enough against the ICC who have players that can hit the ball a long way.

While we were having lunch, Rob Gill advised us that the game would count for points even though the other games were not played. At that point I felt really stupid that I had believed Jimbo and with Gohar soon hitting the ball on to Cox's Road I thought we were really in trouble. ICC got off to an excellent start and should have knocked the runs off with some ease. However, cometh the hour cometh the man, Eddie Tse bowled out Gohar and went on to take six wickets for 42 from 13 overs (unchanged). Maurice cleaned up the tail with 2 wickets in his only over and we bowled out ICC for 114 runs in 26 overs.

Good win in the end! The moral of the story is "do not listen to Jimbo" - but I guess we should know that by now! Would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Next game is against the ICC again on 3rd January 1999.

At KCC: Dragons 239-9 (J Tailor 77, M Wong 68; P Butani 4-49) beat Indian CC 114 (E Tse 6-42) by 125 runs.

Templars v. Optimists at HKCC
Result: Match abandoned due to rain.

Round 13 - 13th December 1998

Infidels v. Indian CC (2) at Mission Road
Result: Infidels won by 16 runs

As England were losing most of their first innings wickets in a flurry so likewise were the Infidels against bowling as tight as a nuns wimple from the ICC pace attack.

Infidels won the toss and batted first for the 6th time this season. Things started slowly, and for the first hour the only thing moving on the boundary was the skipper whose pacing ranting and other antisocial sound effects ended with him being banished to the inside of the pavilion for the sake of his players' health and sanity. Actually, Green and Pittman were making a steady start against some good accurate bowling from the ICC openers. And with all 10 wickets in hand at the drinks break with the score on 54, the Infidels should have posted a better total than eventually managed. Green was first to fall with his score on 43 and the total on 75. From there on the plan never came together. Ijaz was sent out to accelerate the scoring but only accelerated the wicket taking with the most ludicrous running out of Pittman (35) we have seen in some time. Ijaz himself did not last long, falling for 6 and Brewster following him fast back to the pavilion for 1. Steward joined Eames but the latter fell for 3 leaving the score on 100 for 5. The rot was finally stopped by Steward (22) and Baker (23), who put on 52 for the 6th wicket but the fall of Baker prompted another collapse. Williams (12), Lethbridge (0), and Shakil (1), left The Don on 5 not out in his last appearance for Infidels before he joins his wives in Coventry. Don has been a stalwart for the team over the last few seasons and his ability to take wickets at crucial times will be greatly missed. The innings closed at about the same time as England's in Adelaide with the score on 175 all out (Infidels not England).

After letting themselves down with their batting, the Infidels came out fighting. Williams struck immediately, forcing a catch to Eames at mid-on. When Shaq bowled Pokle in the 3rd over, the ICC had been reduced to 12 for 2. The ICC batsmen then started to get on top of the bowling a little, although Shaq made Iqbal most unhappy with some short stuff. Infidels put the pressure in search of his wicket with 5 men around the bat. Iqbal survived but was well caught by Eames shortly afterwards, again at mid-on from the bowling of Steward. The dangerous Ali, who had been bludgeoning the attack to most corners of the park, had been kept quiet for a while with all of his favourite leg side shots blocked by deeply placed fielders. But as Steward warmed up, he was eventually drawn into a big swing across the line and was bowled for 48. All the time the ICC was inching closing to their target. When Steward struck again twice in two balls and Green took a wicket in his over that allowed the other bowlers to swap ends, the ICC were reduced to 107 for 7. Still the score kept advancing with some desperate and lucky slogging from the batsmen. Steward bowled Butani jnr to make the score 120 for 8 and Lethbridge took over from the unlucky Don at the other end. And Lethers was unlucky not to add to his 12 wickets this season when Brewster dropped a regulation catch behind the stumps. With the score on 158 for 8 and the ICC only a few lusty blows away from victory, the Infidels were desperately searching for two more wickets. The skipper turned to Shaq for speed and divine inspiration. After two misguided short balls he finally remembered the rewards for straight fast bowling and cleaned up the last two wickets in the same over leaving the ICC all out for 159 - and the Infidels breathing a huge collective sigh of relief.

Thatâs all for this year. The season continues on January 10th against the HKCC Scorpions who are 6&2 against our 5&3 record. It promises to be a good game, if only it was not at DBS!

Have a great Christmas and an even better New Year. The Skipper is off to report on the Ashes for Members End and will leave selection of the next team to Greenie. (He was the only one mad enough to say yes!)

At MR: Infidels 175 (D Green 43, T Pittman 35; J Iqbal 5-30, G Ali 4-47) beat Indian CC 159 (G Ali 48, T Ahmed 40; A Steward 5-42, M Shakil 3-30) by 16 runs.

Dragons v. Vagabonds at DBS
Result: Dragons won by eight wickets

First win for Sujanani as Captain of Dragons!

Having lost the toss again (4 out of 5) we had to take the field with only 10 men as Lama showed up at 12:00pm (some excuse of an accident on the Tolo highway, yeah right!!) Things did not look good as the Vags built a steady innings with scores of 50+ coming from Helsby, Mawhinney and Glenwright. The pick of our bowlers, Keith (who incidentally was also our reserve keeper - déjà vu Nepal), took 4-85 with good support from Lama with 2-29 (when he decided to turn up). Vagabond's score of 268-8 from 50 overs seemed a big total but not insurmountable given our strong batting line up.

Louis and Roland got us off to a good start with 55 for the first wicket. While they were doing their business in the middle, the senior pro of the side COC Gohel after studying the first six overs decided to put his pads on and used his rank to promote himself to number three. Did that pay off or what?? Having settled in, the COC got into his rhythm and despatched the bowling to all parts of the ground as well as some to Mongkok. All the while, Louis played the anchor and together the pair built a partnership of approximately 200 runs. Louis finally got out c&b for 73 runs in the 38th over. The COC finished on 158 not out.

Score of a lifetime for the COC, who will remember this match when he is sipping champagne on the terrace in Bangalore ten years from now!

All in all a good day for the Dragons. Next game ICC at KCC and a win there would certainly see us well positioned in the league.

At DBS: Dragons 269-2 (B Gohel 158*, L Chan 73) beat Vagabonds 268-8 (P Glenwright 63, R Mawhinney 58, T Helsby 50, R Whitcombe 42; K Lowcock 4-85) by eight wickets.

Rescheduled Match - 6th December 1998

Infidels v. Indian CC at DBS
Result: Infidels won by 98 runs.

e-mail@runs.com while Willie Wags at the ICC

Although deprived of two of their most consistent batsmen, Muddy Waters, by the Hong Kong team's success in the Tuanku Ja'afa and Chicken Tiku by the new refuelling regulations on Cathay Pacific, Infidel's batsmen still managed to cruise to a match winning total of 304 at DBS against the ICC on Sunday.

Breakfast saw the return of Scanners to the side but his contribution was marred by a poorly executed stroke early in the innings. Good to have you back though. After Green fell early, the old pairing of Eames and Brewster put on 70 runs for the 2nd wicket. With Brewbags showing signs of reaching established peaks and the run-god e-mailing runs with ease at the other end. With the outfield still resembling the Somme in 1917 boundaries were hard to come by until Brewster's timing returned to full force. Brewster eventually ended his comeback when he was caught for 43. Scanners came and went, bringing Steward to the crease. With the bowling still tight on a variable pitch, runs were still hard to come by and after 24 over the score stood at only 111. But the next 26 brought about some 193 runs with Steward reaching 50 followed by good hitting from Fab and Willie. All the time at the other end the e-mails kept coming until finally the connection was cut off for 117. The Infidels finished their 50th over with the score on 304-9.

Without exception, the ICC batsman came out hitting and the score mounted quickly. Even after a runout from some good work by Eames and Scanlon and a wicket from a mean Shaq bouncer the runs still flowed, with Gohar especially harsh on Shaq. Don brought back a modest amount of control but the skipper by now realised there was only one man to bring into the fray. But instead he turned to Lethers and again proved that going against all instincts has its advantage. Lethers immediately had the big hitting Gohar well caught by Baker in the deep and another batsman caught by Steward in the ring. But even Lethers started to be found out and with Don withering at the other end from the strain of bowling, a double change was forced upon the skipper with the score on 173-4.

Into the fray strode Willie Wonka. On leave from his chocolate factory to continue his current form with the ball. He immediately took 3 wickets in his first two overs and changed the face of the game. In his 3rd over he took the middle stump with one of the best dipping, swinging full tosses seen by the Infidels in decent weeks.

Baker then got into the fray with some energetic pace bowling also managing to hit the stumps. Williams ended the innings with a sharp catch by Eames at mid-on with the ICC stranded on 208. Mind you, they only faced 34 overs and looked well capable of chasing large totals.

Chris Williams is this week's bowling hero with 5-27.

Next week we replay the same fixture at Mission Road in what could be Don Mohammed's last game for the Infidels.